


Panic

by deletedsystem32



Series: delsys32's Overwatch Oneshots [3]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, I've tagged several characters as appearing, Panic Attacks, Reunions, but Genji and Hanzo are the main ones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-17 20:54:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14197503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deletedsystem32/pseuds/deletedsystem32
Summary: Genji invites Hanzo to join Overwatch, where the truth of what he did is revealed in a less-than-ideal way. (OR, I just wanted an excuse to write Genji having a panic attack.)





	Panic

**Author's Note:**

> Alright folks, there may be mistakes and/or inconsistencies in some places because the real goal here was to write Genji having a panic attack. So, please ignore those in favor of joining me in watching a favorite character suffer. (I mean, that's why you're here, right?)

 

_This cannot be real,_  Hanzo thought as his brother disappeared into the night, leaving only a sparrow feather behind.  _There is no way—I killed my brother!_  But Genji's parting words rang in his ears:

_Maybe I am a fool for believing there's still hope for you. But I do._

"Why? Why would he think there is hope for someone like  _me?_ " Hanzo said to himself, absentmindedly rolling the sparrow feather between his fingers. There was something else Genji said that was bothering him, though.  _What did he mean by 'pick a side'? What sides are there to choose from?_

He began to walk back into the shrine to finish honoring his brother—though it seemed like a moot point now that he knew Genji was alive. He stopped in his tracks when he came across a scrap of paper on the floor. It had two words on it, two words that Hanzo vaguely recalled hearing on the news; two words that seemed to hold immense meaning even though they were simply the name of a place—" _Watchpoint: Gibraltar_ ". His grip on the paper tightened as the realization hit him:

_Overwatch._

* * *

After the flight back, Genji made his way to the main entrance of Watchpoint: Gibraltar, arriving just as the sun began to set. He took a moment to admire the reds and oranges the sun cast on the clouds over the ocean.

_Have I done the right thing, brother?_ he wondered.  _Maybe things would be simpler if I had never made myself known to you. But things are changing, and you're still my brother—no matter what._

He sighed and entered the appropriate security clearance code.

" _Welcome back, Genji,_ " Athena said, opening the doors.

"Hey, Athena," Genji replied, more than a hint of melancholy in his tone. He walked in and began to head towards the kitchen, approaching one of Athena's many consoles in the hall on the way.

" _You seem down. Should I page Dr. Ziegler? You seem to like talking to her._ "

"No!" Genji replied just a bit too quickly, stopping and turning to the console. "No, that's... it's okay, Athena. I'm okay." If Athena had a face, Genji was sure she'd be giving him the 'I Know You're Hiding Something From Me But I Won't Push It Out Of Respect For You' look.

" _If you insist, Genji._ "

"Thanks for your concern, though, Athena," Genji said, resuming his walk to the kitchen.

Once there, he started the electric kettle and made himself some jasmine green tea. Sitting down at one of the tables in the mess hall, he removed his visor and took a sip.

_It doesn't taste the same..._  he thought.  _I don't know why I still make it. For the routine, I guess._

He set the cup down, crossed his arms on the table, and rested his head on them. This was one of the rare times when the weight of everything that had happened would come crashing down on his shoulders, the self-loathing and hate-fueled anger at himself and his brother would return—a stark contrast from just a few minutes earlier.

_What have I done?! Going to see my brother, inviting him to join Overwatch—what stupid_   _ideas will I think up next?!_

It seemed like the encounter with Hanzo and the dread of what was to come had hit him all at once. Suddenly exhausted, Genji's shoulders sagged as the anger drained out of him. He closed his eyes.

_I'll just rest for a few minutes..._

* * *

Genji awoke slowly, groggily rubbing his eyes with one hand as he sat up and checked the time on his communicator:  _0100_.

_Might as well head to my room,_ he thought. He got up and stretched (more out of habit than actually needing to). After rinsing and putting away his tea cup, he grabbed his visor and started to head towards his room.

As he walked by the medbay, he noticed that the light was on in Dr. Ziegler's office. He quietly made his way into the medbay and gently knocked on the door. He heard the shuffling of papers and then grumbling as the doctor made her way to the office door.

"Who could possibly be up at this hour, and why are they here? This better not be another emergency or I'm going to scream. I-" She opened the door. "Oh! Genji, it's you. Come in!"

Genji remained where he was and crossed his arms.

"Angela, what are you doing awake? It's one in the morning," he said.

"I could ask the same of you," she replied.

" _I_ was just heading to bed after falling asleep in the mess hall. What are  _you_ doing?"

He glanced behind her and saw that her desk had papers haphazardly strewn all across it.

"Paperwork?  _At one in the morning?_ Honestly, Angela. You of all people should know the importance of sleep. The reports on the last mission's injuries can wait."

"Yes, you're right." Angela said with a sigh. "Fine, I'll sleep—but I'm only going to bed  _after_  you tell me how you're feeling after seeing your brother." She fixed Genji with a stare much like the one Athena would have given him, only he knew she'd push it—at least with this. He decided it was best to be honest with her.

"...Apprehensive," he said tentatively.

Dr. Ziegler made a motion with her hand that clearly said, 'And...?'

"Conflicted."

Angela's eyes narrowed.

"I've told you how terrible of an idea I think letting Hanzo join Overwatch is, yes?"

" _Several times,_ " Genji grumbled. "Angela, he's my brother. I know what he did to me— _believe me,_ I do. But I forgive hi-"

"But  _I_  do not."

Genji physically flinched at the words, and the doctor sighed.

"Look, Genji, I understand that he's your brother. But I do not understand how you can forgive him! You didn't see your body when I found you—I know you are living with the consequences now, but the state I saw you in!"

"I-"

"And if you're conflicted and apprehensive about him possibly joining Overwatch, then have you really forgiven him?"

Genji remained silent for a few moments.

"I'm doing my best to. And I can only do my best to mend things if he is here, as well."

This time Angela was silent.

"Do the others know?" she eventually asked, referring to the events of that horrible night in Hanamura.

"...No."

"Not even Jesse? I know you two are close."

"He only knows what happened—not who did it."

"I see."

An awkward moment of silence passed between them.

"Let me know if you need anything," Angela said sincerely. "I may not agree with your choices, but I'm at least going to be here to support you."

"Thank you, Angela," Genji said. "That means a lot."

"You are welcome. Now let's get some sleep—both of us."

* * *

**Four Days Later**

Genji sat on the rooftop of the Watchpoint, deep in thought.

It had been four days since his encounter with Hanzo. Genji had kept news of it under wraps, only telling Jesse with instructions not to tell anyone else. Though everyone knew about the invitation to the person whose skills "could be helpful in the reformation of Overwatch", they weren't informed of exactly _who_  it was—and only Dr. Ziegler and Winston knew  _exactly_  what had happened to Genji  _and_  that Hanzo was the one who did it.

Genji knew communication was extremely important, especially in times like these and especially with  _teammates,_  but he just couldn't bring himself to talk more of his past. He knew it would be a shock to them if they found out, but coming to terms with what he was and forgiving his brother did not necessarily heal the mental trauma that he had as a result of what happened.

" _Genji, you are requested in Winston's office,_ " Athena said through his communicator, slightly startling him.

"Alright, I'll be there in five," he said as he stood.

" _I will tell him._ " The comms channel clicked shut.

Genji climbed down from the rooftop and dropped onto the ground in front of the cave entrance. Athena opened the doors for him without the codes this time.

"Special occasion, Athena?" Genji asked, walking inside and towards Winston's office.

" _You could say that._ "

* * *

Genji knocked on the door to Winston's office, entering when he heard the scientist call for him to come in. He took one look at Winston's expression and already didn't like where this was going.

"What's going on, Winston?" he asked. "Did something happen?"

"Your brother is here, Genji," Winston said. Genji stiffened, and before he had a chance to respond, Winston continued. "Are you... Are you  _sure_ you want him to join Overwatch? With what happened, I understand if you want to rescind your invitation, and-"

"I'm sure, Winston," Genji said. "As I told Angela, I'm doing my best to forgive him and mend things—and I can only do that if I can talk to him. With that and the fact that his skills would be valuable to Overwatch, yes. I am sure."

Winston nodded solemnly.

"If you're sure. I believe he's in the mess hall with Lena and Jesse—have a word with him; try to convince him to join. If he seems interested, I'll talk to him and get a room designated for him."

"Thank you, Winston," Genji said, bowing slightly.

"You're welcome, Genji," Winston replied. "And good luck!" he called as the door shut behind the cyborg. He sighed.  _You're probably going to need it..._

* * *

"So you're really Genji's brother?!" Lena asked excitedly.

She stood in the mess hall with Hanzo and Jesse, who had decided to tag along after running into the pair in the hallway. Hanzo refused to make eye contact, but he still grunted out an answer.

"...Yes."

"Y'sure don't seem too excited about it," Jesse said.

Hanzo's hands balled into fists at his sides, something which Jesse didn't fail to notice.

"And Genji's pret-ty cool, y'know. I'd kill for a brother like 'im," he continued.

Hanzo's knuckles turned white as he looked to the side, away from Jesse and Lena.

"I just wonder why he never talked much about ya. He was angry at his family, sure, but y'all are  _brothers,_ y'know?"

Hanzo squeezed his eyes shut. Lena spoke up, having noticed his negative body language.

"Hey Jess, love, maybe you should drop it. I think this is something Hanzo'd rather not talk abou-"

"SHUT UP!" Hanzo suddenly yelled. Lena snapped her mouth shut, eyes wide, and Jesse tried to contain his look of surprise. He had guessed he'd get some sort of reaction if he kept going, but he wasn't expecting anything like this.

Jesse began to take a breath, ready to diffuse the situation—but Hanzo kept going.

"You want to know  _why_  I don't seem ' _excited_ ' to be his brother?!" he snarled. "Let me answer your question with a question: do you know what  _happened_  to him?"

Jesse and Lena glanced at each other before looking back at Hanzo apprehensively.

"He's told us a little bit," Lena said. "But not any details. Anyway, I don't think it's our place to be told by you, because Genji's the one who-"

"The one who almost  _died?_ What about the one who almost  _murdered_  him?! Is  _he_ qualified to tell you? Is  _he_ qualified to tell you about Genji's horror when his own brother kicked him in the head to disorient him?! Grabbed the nearest sword and attacked him without mercy?! Listened numbly to him asking why his brother was doing this, to his screams and pleas for him to stop?! Watched without feeling as his screams turned to whispers of ' _I'm sorry_ ' over and over and over again, tears streaking his face as he lost consciousness in a pool of his own blood, his brother thinking he had finally died?!

"Is  _he_  qualified to tell you how when the brother came to his senses, he realized what he had done and despised himself for it? Abandoned the clan out of shame, constantly ran from assassins with crushing guilt filling his chest and nightmares his head? Well?!  _Am I?!_ " Hanzo roared.

Lena looked horrified at this revelation, while Jesse's expression had darkened into a cold and calculated, yet burning rage. He opened his mouth, ready to give Hanzo a piece of his mind—and possibly his fist, but before anyone could do anything, they heard a choked sound from the doorway. Lena glanced up and swore.

"Oh,  _shit,_ " she said, causing Jesse to look up as well.

"Well,  _fuck,_ " he said. Because there, hunched over and leaning with one hand against the doorframe, one hand wrapped around his stomach, was Genji. He made another choked gasping sound, and both Lena and Jesse realized he was starting to have a panic attack.

Lena blinked over to him, and Jesse quickly followed after one last dry ice-melting glare at Hanzo, who looked confused as to what was going on and shocked to see his brother once again.

"What is-"

" _Panic attack,_ " Lena spat as Jesse caught Genji right before he fell to his knees. "Poor thing hasn't had one in years, but congratulations! You've managed to give him one." Lena turned back to Genji as Hanzo was left speechless—Genji  _never_ had panic attacks.  _Unless this is a result of... Oh._  Hanzo grimaced, realizing that he had, on top of everything else, done  _this_  to his brother—the one who managed to live, the one who invited him here, the one who had  _forgiven_ him.

He watched as Lena talked quietly, trying to calm down the hyperventilating cyborg who was now on his knees, hunched over with both arms wrapped around his midsection.

"Genji, Genji listen to me, love. It's okay. You're okay, we're here. You're here with your friends, Jesse and me, Lena." She reached up and put both hands on the sides of his head, looking directly at him. "I'm going to take your visor and helmet off, okay? It'll help you breathe better." There was a hiss of air as the visor came off, and a click as she removed the helmet. Hanzo forced himself to watch—he owed it to Genji to know what he had done.

Lena moved out of the way, revealing scars that crisscrossed Genji's whole face, his bottom lip and the skin of his chin and the front of his neck replaced by an artificial material. His face was contorted into an expression of pure pain and anguish—he was gritting his teeth, eyes squeezed shut, tears streaking his face, his shoulders heaving with each panicked breath and steam releasing from almost all the vents in his mechanical body. Hanzo gulped.

_I did this._

And Genji only seemed to be getting worse. He started muttering to himself, and when Hanzo was finally able to hear what he was saying, his blood froze.

"Brother, no, please, I'm sorry, please don't please don't please don't please don't please  _don't,_  I'm sorry, I'm so  _sorry_ please forgive me please forgive me _please_  I'm so sorry I-"

"Shit, he's having a flashback, too. Athena, page Angela and tell 'er to get down to the mess hall  _right now._ Make sure she knows what's goin' on." Jesse said.

" _Understood,_ " Athena replied.

_He is. . .remembering that night,_ Hanzo realized. The anger he had felt earlier was now replaced with more guilt than he had ever felt before. Before he knew what he was doing, he took a step forward. And another. And another. Until he was kneeling a short distance away from Genji, ignoring the deadly glare that McCree was giving him. All he saw now was his younger brother in need of comfort.

"It... It is okay," he said softly. Genji's breath hitched and he flinched when he heard Hanzo's voice, but Hanzo continued. "Genji, it is okay. I forgive you, and everything is okay. You are here now, with friends. Friends and family."

After roughly a minute of this, Genji's breathing started to slow and his sobs died down to just occasional hiccups. He leaned into Jesse's side, his breathing soon evening out, and they realized he had passed out—clearly and understandably exhausted.

"Well I'll be damned," Jesse said quietly, holding the unconscious cyborg. "One of the worst panic attacks he's had, and the one who caused it calmed 'im down." He turned to Hanzo. "Don't think this means you're off the hook, though, archer," he growled. Hanzo simply nodded, eyes fixed on Genji's now-peaceful face—a stark contrast from just a few minutes ago.

Lena glanced out the door and saw Dr. Ziegler standing several feet away, an unidentifiable look on her face. Though Lena didn't know how long she'd been there, she had clearly witnessed at least the end of what happened. Lena waved for her to come closer.

"Hey, Doc," Lena said. "Should we take him to the medbay?"

"I don't think that will be necessary," Dr. Ziegler replied. "His room should be fine—waking up in a familiar place will help him." Jesse nodded and gently scooped up Genji into his arms to carry him back to his room. Dr. Ziegler turned to Hanzo as Lena and Jesse left.

" _You._  I will have a  _word_ with  _you,_ Hanzo Shimada." She stiffly motioned for him to follow, and led him to her office.

* * *

_Genji could hear yelling from the mess hall—definitely his brother. He broke into a jog, fearing the worst, and arrived in the doorway just in time to hear Hanzo begin his tirade._

_". . .What about the one who almost murdered him?!" he shouted. "Is_ he  _qualified to tell you about Genji's horrified expression when his own brother punched him in the head to disorient him?! Grabbed the nearest sword and attacked him without mercy?! Listened numbly to him asking why his brother was doing this, to his screams and pleas for him to stop?! Watched without feeling as his screams turned to whispers of 'I'm sorry' over and over and over again, tears streaking his face as he lost consciousness in a pool of his own blood, his. . ."_

_The rest faded out of Genji's awareness as he suddenly found himself back at the training room in the Shimada castle, his brother getting progressively angrier as they argued._

_"Genji, you must take this seriously! You must stop fooling around at the arcade, at the bar, with every woman in Hanamura! It is unacceptable and a disgrace to the Shimada name!" Hanzo shouted._

_"Brother, have you considered that maybe I don't want to be a part of this? That maybe I don't want to be part of a criminal empire?" Genji replied calmly, which only seemed to enrage Hanzo more._

_"You do not have a choice! You were born into this family, and you will continue father's legacy whether you want to or not!"_

_"I already told you, brother. I don't want to do this, and no one is going to make me—not even you." Genji turned away from his brother. "I just want to live a_ normal life _," he said quietly. Hanzo was quiet for several moments, the tension in the room mounting with each passing second._

_"Then remember: you brought this upon_ yourself _," Hanzo growled._

_"What are you talking abou-" Genji turned around just in time to for Hanzo's fist to connect with his nose, resulting in a sickening crunch as it broke._

_"AGH! Hanzo, what the hell are you_ doing _?!" Genji yelled, putting a hand to his nose only for it to come away bloody. He reeled as he was taken off guard by a kick to the side of his head. He tried to regain his balance, his vision swimming._

_"I am doing what needs to be done," he said coldly. Genji heard a_ clink _—the sound of a sword being removed from the stand. He stumbled back, narrowly dodging a swing from Hanzo's weapon._

_"Hanzo, I'm not going-" Genji dodged another swing as his vision began to clear. "-to fight you! Why are you doing thiAAAAAAAAGH!" Genji screamed as the sword came down once again, pain exploding in his right arm. He risked a glance at his arm—or where it used to be. There was nothing but a heavily bleeding stump. He looked back at his brother, breathing hard and eyes wide in fear._

_"B-Brother, ple-ase," Genji started, his voice cracking and tears forming in his eyes—and not just from the pain. His own_ brother  _was doing this; the one who held him when he was terrified of thunderstorms as a child, the one—the_ only  _one—who said they liked his dyed green hair, the one who had cared for him for all those years, but slowly got colder and more distant as their paths diverged._ I guess I  _do_ deserve this,  _Genji thought as Hanzo plunged the sword into his stomach._ I- I  _did_ bring this upon myself.  _Genji vaguely realized he was screaming, pleading—_

_"Brother, no, please, I'm sorry, please don't please don't please don't please don't please_  don't _, I'm sorry, I'm so_ sorry _please forgive me please forgive me_ please _I'm so sorry I-"_

_—as Hanzo slashed blindly at him, deeply cutting his face, his throat, his arms, his torso._

_Genji stared up at the blurry, red-tinted ceiling, wondering when he had fallen. He felt the sword impale him over and over and over and_ over _; he felt his legs, his abdomen being torn to shreds. He heard faint whispers of someone saying "I'm sorry" over and over, only partially realizing it was himself. He felt the stabs stop, and the last thing he saw through his tears and the blood in his eyes was Hanzo looking down at him with a horrified, regretful expression._

_Genji closed his eyes._

_But unlike the other flashbacks, the oddest thing happened: he heard Hanzo's voice; not angry or disgusted, but worried. The pain faded as his brother kept talking._

_". . .Genji, it is okay. I forgive you, and everything is okay. You are here now, with friends. Friends and family."_

_Genji slowly became aware of the floor under him and a hand holding his own, rubbing soothing circles in his palm, and another pair of arms wrapped around his shoulders. He refused to open his eyes, however, for fear that his brother would stop talking and he would end up back in that hell once again. He felt himself lean to the side, and fall unconscious._

Genji shot up into a sitting position, breathing hard. He took several deep breaths and shook his head, trying to clear it.

"It's just a memory," he muttered to himself. "There's nothing here that can hurt me, it's  _just_ a memory."

Genji was so focused on calming himself down that he didn't hear the knock at the door—it was only when they knocked a second time that it registered in Genji's mind. He took one last deep breath, got up, and walked the few short paces to the door.

He opened it, expecting to see Dr. Ziegler or someone coming to check on him. He most certainly was not expecting his  _brother._

They looked at each other for a long moment with—unbeknownst to Genji—Angela's words racing through Hanzo's head:

_You will never understand the extent of the suffering your brother went through by your hand. I rebuilt his physical body within several months and several more for him to become competent with using his new body, but it took years upon_ years _for him to rebuild his mental and emotional states, and he could not do it alone. But of course, as you saw today,_ those _are still not even at one hundred percent._

_I advise you to tread carefully, Mr. Shimada. Genji has many close friends here, and I would not be surprised if a single wrong move would spur those friends into action._

_I will be honest: I do not see how Genji can forgive you after what you did. But do not take his forgiveness for granted. Understood?_

Hanzo suddenly rushed forward and hugged Genji tightly.

"B-Brother?" Genji asked, unsure of whether to hug Hanzo back or simply accept the hug.

"I am so,  _so_  sorry, Genji. What I did was unforgivable, and though I have no excuse, I have regretted it every single day. I should not have let the council order me to do what I did—I should have killed  _myself_ before I—"

"Brother," Genji said, stopping Hanzo before he could go on any further with that thought. He gently took him by the shoulders and stepped back so he could look Hanzo in the eyes—he looked like a deer in headlights: terrified of what would happen next, yet frozen in fear and unable to avoid it.

"Don't talk like that," Genji said seriously. "I forgive you, and I was in the wrong, too. I can't say the council was  _right_  in what they told you to do, but I  _did_ bring it upon myself. I should have heeded your warnings. But what's done is done, and I've put the past behind me—and I hope you will put the past behind you, as well."

Tears pricked at the corners of Hanzo's eyes as he looked away and remained silent, unable to trust his voice not to crack. Genji then pulled him into a second hug, which he slowly returned.

"I mean it, brother. Forgive yourself. It will be hard, but you don't deserve to suffer, either."

This time, Hanzo nodded. After remaining like that for several seconds, they separated again. Hanzo stepped back and looked at Genji for several moments, causing his younger brother to fidget slightly under his scrutinizing gaze.

"You... You still have your hair dyed green," Hanzo said. It took Genji a few seconds to process what Hanzo had said—he was expecting a wide range of comments, but a remark on his  _hair_ was certainly not one of them. He let out a laugh.

"Yeah, I do!" he said excitedly. If there was one thing Genji was completely okay with about his appearance, it was his hair. He started to giggle. "R-Remember your reaction, brother? I'm surprised your jaw didn't leave a dent in the floor!"

Hanzo smiled slightly, thinking back to that time.

"Yes, I remember," he said. "You were so happy about it."

"And I still am! It reminds of better times.  _Plus,_ I think I look damn good with green hair," Genji said with a smirk.

Hanzo shook his head, still smiling. He had missed Genji—all these years, he had missed his brother and his antics. But now, they were reunited. And maybe—just maybe—they could begin mend what had been broken all those years ago.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I've been sitting on this work for at least three months now, editing and re-editing and editing the edits. I was really nervous to get it out there (and I still kind of am), but I figured it's better to just rip off the band-aid at this point. I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Oh, and if you'd like to read the fic that, "R-Remember your reaction, brother? I'm surprised your jaw didn't leave a dent in the floor!" is referencing, check out the first part of this series, "Green".


End file.
